Happy Easter!

Ugh... spring is so busy! I have less than 3 weeks until our next evaluation; basically what the whole year leads up to. Start panic mode! Well, not panic but definitely hectic mode. Had a lot of drama at work lately. One of my co-workers stabbed me in the back, that two-faced #(&*@. You could say I got in "trouble" because of it, but basically I just got talked to because of what my boss heard. The fact that she relies on gossip as a source of punishment just tells you the type of person I work for. Thankfully something else huge came up with another employee so I can guarantee my little tiff over taking a personal day is the last thing in her mind now. Friday ended with her screaming in the office.

Counseling has been going well. I was able to go in without any anxiety last week. I've never had that clarity of thought before during a session. I wasn't afraid to talk about anything, which was definitely a change. We got talking about some things that I have never discussed, so it was new, but I was proud of myself. During our discussion, she asked me what I would do if I ever ran into him, to which I replied that I never allow myself anywhere near where he is so that won't happen. That got us on the topic of my need to track him because I don't feel safe. She asked if he was on the sex offender registry, which he is, and if she minded if she pulled his page up. That was really the only time I felt anxious. I have managed to blur his face from my mind and seeing his picture just brings forth a lot of pain for me. This week is going to be taking me to a place I've never been to... and for once I feel strong enough to handle it. Let's hope I'm right.

My body has been taking a big hit with the stressors in my life recently. I've been suffering from back pain since January, so I started seeing a massage therapist to help. It provided temporary relief, but overall kept getting worse. Last week I went to a chiropractor and have started treatment with her. I have a pinched nerve, partially bulged disc and many misalignments causing the plethera of ailments (knots, spasms, pain, etc) I've been suffering. She said had I waited much longer I would have been on the road to damage that could have only been fixed through surgery. It's crazy. I'm only 25 for crying out loud!

My life the next month is going to be super busy with last minute preps for our evaluations, my regular duties, counseling on Tuesdays, massage 2x a week and the chiro 4x a week. Don't expect too many updates!

Angry

So, as I previously posted last week, I met with my boss to discuss my absences and was second guessing that choice because of her reaction. For purposes of self-preservation I made the choice to move as many appointments as possible so that I wouldn't miss work. In all honesty I scheduled a couple during work to allow me a break every 4 weeks or so. I told her I changed almost all of my appointments (with the exception of two that really couldn't be changed) and she was grateful that I did that.

Fast forward to today. She stopped me in the office and asked if I was going to a seminar after work (optional) that we have once every 10 weeks or so. I told her that I already talked to my department head about it, that Tuesday's won't ever work because I have other engagements that can't be changed. So she proceeds to ask me what I do during that time. I'm sorry.. it's my personal time and it's off-contract. I could be pole-dancing and you can have no say in it. Anyway, I told her that I have medical appointments (vague enough?) from 5:30-6:30 and rehearsal from 7-9. In a nutshell she basically told me that what was happening after work was important and that I needed to reschedule those appointments when something like this comes up. She then proceeded to tell me that I shouldn't ever respond that "I can't EVER do that" but that I should be open to possibly changing my schedule in order to be able to participate in something that will help me.

I was so pissed. That woman really has no clue.

Did I do the right thing?

Hi, I'm Lily and I'm a second guesser. *altogether now* Hi, Lily.

I have been meaning to talk to my boss for the last couple of weeks about my absences. I missed Wednesday two weeks ago and Thursday and Friday of last week. I am going to have to take two half-days next week for the initial consultation with the psychiatrist and follow-up with my OBGYN. I wanted to bring that to her attention before someone else did, so I asked if I could meet with her for a few minutes.

So without going into details I told her that I had some things going on that were causing me to use some unplanned sick days, and that I was going to have to miss some more half-days soon to get everything wrapped up. She wasn't as supportive as one might hope (but then again that really isn't her style and I don't know why I really expected it) but she did acknowledge that she understood that you have to be healthy physically in order to do your best, to which I completely agree. But at the same time, she couldn't stress enough that when I'm gone no one else can do my work for me (duh, I know that). She also warned me that I am close to being docked pay. What? I still have 5 1/2 sick days left. That's not close. How's that for a subtle guilt trip. I already don't take off time when I need to, and now that I was going to try I feel like I have a target on my back and I have to do my job even better. I stayed late today because I now feel like she's watching me. UGH. Part of me thinks I did the right thing by going to her before she could come to me, because that really would have freaked me out and made me think I was going to be fired or something... but then part of me thinks I should have left it alone, that I've now targeted myself. Did I mention UGH? Did I do the right thing?

P.S. I find it crazy that it is pouring rain, yet 29 degrees. Tomorrow morning will be fun.