John 14:27

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

I've been running from this for over 10 years. I'm tired. For whatever reason, I can't run this time. I've tried pushing it back as I've always done before but I can't. This last week has been bad for me, Thursday especially. I met up with RF again and had an anxiety attack when I got home. I'm not ready. I haven't come to terms with it. I can't trust anyone until I get some help.

I went and talked to C, the counselor for my students. I love that woman. She is like a mother to me. I have never met someone so amazing. She will do anything she can to help anyone, no matter what the cost. She is going to help me find someone that can help me move on.

There is a certain peace I have felt the past few days knowing that I'm ready to face this but it scares me a lot. I never made any progress in counseling before because I was never ready. I'm pretty sure I am now. I can't let this eat away at me forever. There is no shame in asking for help... and that was (still is) very hard for me to realize.