The "C" Word

Just when I was ready to start being more focused on myself and the things I plan on approaching in counseling with A, life happened.

My grandma was diagnosed with liver cancer on Monday.

With me being off all summer, it will be the easiest for me to be her "caretaker", to get her to and from the hospital, CAT scans, and chemo so my mom doesn't have to use up all her vacation days and get her pay docked.

Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful I can be there for my grandma the way I wasn't able to be there for my grandpa when he was sick.

I don't want to let this be a reason I don't put my full effort into the harder things I am inching towards with A. But after my grandfather died in October 2008, I regressed hard. After a few weeks of trying to get through it on my own, that's when I started seeing A. I'm worried that the fear of losing her is going to push me backwards. When my grandma dies, I don't know what it will do to me.

6 comments:

sarah said...
June 24, 2010 at 7:14 AM

I'm so sorry Lily...In our family there's also been alot of people hit with cancer....I went through what you're feeling too but now I refuse to live my life afraid.....I tell myself if it happens...somehow I'll deal with it. Take gentle care ok.

Mary said...
June 24, 2010 at 7:44 AM

Lily, don't dwell on that happening, it will take the joy out of your time with her now.

If and when it does happen, because it happens to all of us, you will get through it. God give us the strength and the grace as we need it, not before.

He who began a good work in you will see it through to completion.

Hugs!!

Harriet said...
June 24, 2010 at 7:51 AM

I am so so sorry, this must be very scary. Positive thoughts being sent your way and your grandma's way.

Just Be Real said...
June 25, 2010 at 6:45 AM

Dear one I am sorry for what you are going through now with your family. Prayers go out to all involved. God is in the miracle business. I believe that! Blessings to you Lily!

Grace said...
June 26, 2010 at 12:03 AM

Im so sorry, Lily.
i lost my gramma on April 2nd. she was the one adult i thought loved me...ever.
sending you peace and strength
Gracie

Colleen said...
June 26, 2010 at 9:22 AM

I am sorry. Prayers and hugs.