I Think This Counts...

So 24 hours ago I posted that I felt like something big was coming...

Does being fired count?

Someone reported something I wrote on my Facebook to my bosses and because of it I could be fired. I have a meeting with HR on Monday. I have been hysterical since I got home. I just can't figure out why something like this is happening to me.

It wasn't implicating anyone or my company specifically, no names were mentioned and I was trying to be funny (although the undertone was my honest thought and frustration). But somehow someone who is not my friend (I have the privacy settings as high as they go) linked on from one of my other friends comments to that post and reported it.

Crazy thing was, I was warned about this by my boss Wednesday at a department meeting due to the nature of my job and I came home and double checked my settings to make sure they were as private as they went. I don't even have words to describe how devastated I will be if I lose my job.

Staying Above Water

Man alive, I have been so busy. Like barely keeping my head above water feel like I am drowning busy. Yay work. I am just now getting home after a 15 hour day. This is why I haven't been posting. I haven't even sat at my computer at home for at least a week.

Things are going better though. My peace is slowly creeping back in and I'm finding that I am happy again. I'm a little worried because I'm finding it harder and harder to want to keep going to see A when I feel so stable, but I know it is in my best interest to keep going and keep pushing myself.

I feel like something big is coming. Like God is preparing my heart for something. Just a feeling. Can't really describe it.

I promise I'll write more when things settle down.

So Long Self

My peace is gone.

Why has God teased me? Why did he let me feel something I have been trying to achieve for so long, just to take it away from me so quickly?

It feels like a dream. Like those few short weeks when I felt better than I have in years were just a figment of my imagination. In my mind I picture the evil one hiding behind the scenes, laughing that I ever held the hope that I was getting better. Laughing even louder now that it's gone and I am back to fearing every choice, feeling and thought. Laughing at my tears and my pain.

And I don't even have the strength to care. Why work so hard if it can all be taken away just like that?

Saying Goodbye

My grandma died this morning.

I watched her take her last breath. I know she is being welcomed in heaven by my cousin and grandpa. I am so glad she is no longer in pain.

I'm on my way to A's office right now. Don't worry, I brought tissues.