A test of faith

If anyone actually reads this, I hope that all my posts aren't cynical and depressing. This is my way to share my feelings without actually telling them. I'm sure you know how therapeutic that may be.

One more change to the bridal shower plans, but I feel much better about these. Going to go with P to finish registering for her goodies on Sunday. She told me today that the plan is for her and DB to move to Spain in 2009. She wasn't expecting something that soon, but apparently that's the plan as of now. I'm trying not to get too worked up about it because his plans have changed so much over the past year and over the course of the next 18-24 months they can change many more times, but the thought of my best friend, practically my sister, the closest friend I have ever had in the world, moving 5000 miles away about put me in tears on the phone. Once they leave, they won't be coming back. He hates it here... her life is here. The thought of not having her here, 20 minutes away or even 2 hours away is not something my brain can comprehend. We were supposed to be pregnant together, and our kids were supposed to be best friends, too.

Outside of family and my friends from work, she is the only one I do stuff with. All my friends from work are married and have kids, so when the weekend comes it's she and I that are hanging out, shopping, traveling, etc. What am I going to do when she's gone? I can hope I'm in a relationship then and can take comfort and solace in the fact that I will have someone there for me.. but a guy is just not the same type of friend that a girl can be. But who's to say I'll be in a relationship? I've never been in a serious relationship. Ever. My chance of being in a relationship then are about as good as they are now. My job takes priority because I have serious trust and committment issues. Guys are just lining up. *sigh* I wonder where I'll be in 2009.. my heart wants me to be in a happy place, but my brain seems to know better.

I think I need to start praying harder.. my strength is waning and I need a sign that my future is not doomed. Is my faith in myself being tested?