Drumroll, please!

Burning question: Do I still have my job?

Yes.

I basically got a slap on the wrist, a mark on my yearly evaluation and the "privilege" of being able to weigh in/contribute to certain situations taken away, but aside from that I'm pretty much in the clear. This whole thing has left a very bad taste in my mouth, from the fact that someone I trusted had nothing better to do than to sabotage my job and private life and the fact that I feel that now that people know this happened, they don't trust my judgement or opinions. It's really frustrating... and being someone who obsesses over how people think of me, it's been a daily battle to not continuously let this bring me down.

My life has been a ridiculous blur of work. It has not been this bad in almost 4 years. I just cannot catch up. And if, for whatever reason I find that I am starting to get ahead something happens and I go right back to drowning.

My job is normally the positive light in my somewhat recently darkened life and this year it is causing so much more stress and pain than what I am used to. I've done a pretty good job "keeping my chin up" but I'm starting to feel the weight of it all. I haven't been sleeping very well unless it is medicine induced. I have been eating like crap because I have no time to cook (hello Chick-Fil-A!). My stomach has been giving me problems recently and I'm not sure if it's more from the crappy food or the stress.

I'm coming up on my birthday, which is always a testy time for me, as well as my 2 year anniversary with A. I have been slacking off with pushing myself in the area of therapy, but I just don't know how I can try to juggle one more thing.

8 comments:

Grace said...
October 4, 2010 at 10:50 PM

Good to "see" you. I've been wondering and worrying...I'm glad to hear the news and I hope things settle in for you at work. I understand the craziness- right there with ya on that front!
(hugs)
Grace

Colleen said...
October 5, 2010 at 1:17 AM

I am glad you still have your job. What a difficult thing to go through. And what a betrayal from the one who reported you. Hugs.

Paula said...
October 5, 2010 at 3:02 AM

I am so sorry for your suffering. It is ok being down. It is ok, allowing oneself to be overwhelemd. It is ok to hide under the blanket.It is simply Ok. And it is ok to pick up again later on. It is good to have awareness to see that currently it might be to much. Take your time to figure your priorities.
Wish I could give you a real hug and hold your hand for a moment - if that is ok.
Love to you.
Paula

Finding Pam said...
October 5, 2010 at 12:16 PM

Lily, I am glad that you did not loose your job. People can be so vicious at times. Stay positive.

Blessings,
Pam

sarah said...
October 7, 2010 at 6:51 PM

I'm glad you still have your job...one day at time....take gentle care of yourself....you're so worth it.

Paula said...
October 10, 2010 at 3:35 AM

Passing by to show some love. Thinking of you. Hugs

Angela said...
October 16, 2010 at 12:12 PM

Glad to know that you were able to keep your job, but that is such a stressful thing to have to go through. I hope that things are getting better. Sending you a big {{{HUG}}}

Dr. Deb said...
October 17, 2010 at 8:35 AM

Job stress can be so overwhelming. Self-care is important, especially when things like this happen.