The "Click"

You know what I'm talking about. You meet someone; a romantic interest, a new boss, a stranger on the bus, or in my case a new counselor and you feel it. The "click." Like you've known each other forever, you have "everything" in common and being around each other is not hard work. In fact, it's EASY.

I walked into the new T's office Saturday morning, nervous of course. My nerves were not from fear of what we were going to talk about, but rather of this not working out. I had built up in my mind how I wanted yesterday to go, and I was nervous I had set myself up for disappointment. She came out to greet me and walked me back to her office. It was a small room, filled with toys and books, as she works with a lot of families. The windows were open, letting the sunshine in. Two huge, overstuffed leather chairs were against one wall, a little table and lamp (and of course your necessary Kleenex box) in between them. I chose the one that faced the window. In case I needed to avert my eyes to regroup my emotions.

I sat down and did a quick "once-over". The best way I could think to describe her would be Italian. She has the dark hair/brown eyes/gorgeous skin that most Italian's do. She's skinny and short, in fact probably a little shorter than me, which is saying something. LOL. She's young. I'd guess no older than 35. But what she's wearing is the best. Black yoga pants, a black concert T-Shirt (maybe Maroon 5?) and a oversized brown sweater cardigan. Her shoes? Pink glitter Converse. I immediately felt at ease. She looked comfortable and settled. Ready to sit back and listen. Her whole self emanating "laid-back". A was always dressed to the 9's, and I always felt as if I needed to do the same just to fit in. Dressing up is a very rigid thing to me, so the casual thing was a breath of fresh air.

Everything felt easy with her. I didn't feel scared to tell her the truth about my family, how I view them, my cutting, how I am not content with my life right now, etc. I even cried. Me?! Cry in front of someone I just met? That's saying a lot folks. Granted a lot of that progress came from hard work with A but the fact that I didn't feel compelled to hold back is indicative of that "click". She had some amazing insights to things that I never thought of as far as why I've chosen self-injury as a coping skill, messages that were sent to me as a kid that pushed me towards that, etc. Things that I would have never thought about in a million years, but all of a sudden, made so much sense.

We ended up talking for an hour and 15 minutes. And didn't even realize it. Her next appointment actually called her phone wondering where she was... we had lost track of time. We were just about to approach the topic of my abuse, but she said she wanted to wait for our next session to do that as she felt like beginning the session with that would allow me to process everything I needed to in a safe environment and not be thrown out feeling like I had just opened a huge can of worms with no escape from all the little buggers. We scheduled two appointments for next week (one Wednesday evening, one Saturday morning) and I walked out of her office, into a world that suddenly seemed so much brighter and so much more hopeful.

God had answered my prayers in a way that I didn't even think was possible. Deep down I knew that God had a plan for me with this, and that I just had to be patient and keep praying, but I still worried that His plan for me was going to leave me wishing for and wanting more. But no, He knew what I needed and He gave it to me. And I am so grateful for the opportunity to continue to heal to become the person I want to be, and the person He created me to be.


Stacy said...
October 31, 2010 at 9:48 PM

I'm glad it went well for you. She does sound like a great gal. I hope it continues to go well.

Grace said...
October 31, 2010 at 10:09 PM

Hi Sweet Lily, I have been reading your last few posts and I'm sorry I haven't commented - I think of you so often and I've wondered how you are doing in what I imagine must have felt like being left in the middle of a tidal wave without a paddle or a life vest - with the absence of A... I am happy to read this latest post. Sounds like an answered prayer for you, Lily. Echoing what Stacy says above, I hope next week goes as well...
(((safe hugs)))

Paula said...
November 1, 2010 at 12:52 PM

Waahoo. So glad to hear you are feeling comfortable and more connected. I love that your world is brighter now - it makes the hard work easier too. I wish I truly could hug you. Love across the pond

Anonymous said...
November 1, 2010 at 4:28 PM

So glad to hear you found a therapist you "click" with.

I love that she wore pink glittered converse...


Harriet said...
November 1, 2010 at 7:20 PM

Wow she sounds amazing! And you cried! I know that feeling, I have never cried in 2 years of working with my t, but I cried the first time I talked to my pdoc.

Maybe you knew unconsciously that you had to end your relationship with A in order to move on to something better?

I'm so glad you found her.

Just Be Real said...
November 2, 2010 at 6:31 AM

Lily, glad you found a t. that you feel comfortable with. Sounds like a free woman....

Anonymous said...
November 2, 2010 at 6:36 PM

Wow, that's so fantastic, Lily! I hope you can do great work with her. (I like her style, too! LOL)

Joseph Pulikotil said...
November 5, 2010 at 10:02 PM


I am sure everything will go on well and you will finally come out of your trauma with renewed zest for life and find happiness and joy.

God knows how to heal and take care of you.Just trust in HIM.

Best wishes,