Praying for guidance

I feel like my life is falling apart. I have no idea what my purpose is in life, I have no idea where I'm supposed to go from here.

I spent over an hour in C's office today... talking about things I have not voiced in therapy yet. I can tell her anything, yet I hold back with my therapist. The relationship is still somewhat new, but I'm afraid of letting my guard down that much. I mean, I'm already having panic attacks interfering with my life as things stand now, but they get so much worse when I dig up emotions I've kept hidden for so long. C asked for permission to speak to my therapist. I know she asked because she is concerned, but it worries me what will be said. I'm going to waive confidentiality because I trust her more than I have trusted anyone in my life, but part of me is panicked because anything I have shared in the past year will be fair game.

I have been fighting this battle unmedicated (with the exception of Xa.nax on an as needed basis), but I think I am going to have to be put on something... and that is such a slap in the face for me. There is also a possibility that I might take a leave of absence from work. I have been thinking about it, and C recommended it as a possibility.... but I am not jumping the gun on anything. I will be seeing A on Tuesday and will work with her in figuring out what is best for me. I will be praying for guidance, because as hard as I try, I just can't see God's path for me right now.