Weekend Action

Day 1 of Lex,apro- at least I remembered I had medicine to take this morning! In all honesty, I don't think I could have taken the Effe,xor even though she prescribed it. Just looking at it gives me this really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Thankfully this weekend is one of my busier ones, no real chance for me to hide at home and stay in bed. The realization of that did not help with my anxiety this morning, it only made me want to stay home more. I was helping host a baby shower for one of my friends and needed to leave by 9 in order to get there to help set up/decorate. When I pulled up to her house everything in me was screaming to leave. I was so anxious that I was nauseous but I told myself that I wasn't going to ruin her day and that I was going to stay no matter what. Once I got settled into cooking, decorating, arranging, etc I was able to remember why these girls are my friends and feel completely comfortable with them.

The one thing I hate about baby showers is that I just don't really fit in. Seems like a weird statement, but looking around, everyone was either married, pregnant or already parents... and then there was me. Single. No kids. The conversations eventually situate themselves around crazy stories with kids and husbands, to which someone eventually asks me "Are you married?" Nope. Granted I'm in the first half of my 20's and all of my friends are older than me, so it's not that big of a deal... but it's just a reminder of what I don't have and makes me feel as though I have a huge countdown in front of me. Feeling that way and knowing I have so much more work to do before I can even trust myself to be in a relationship scares me even more.

Ended the afternoon with a massage, which I desperately needed. It has helped a lot with my anxiety, plus the physical aspects of dealing with so much stress. The knots in my back are pretty intense. Tomorrow I'm going to sleep in, do some grocery shopping, then L is coming over at 1 so we can start planning the baby shower we are throwing for our best friend, D. I got some good ideas from the shower that I am going to play off as my own!