One More Time

I am sitting in my office now, listening to music and reflecting on the past 3 hrs.

I went to a different C.R. meeting today. This one is in my town, something I hadn't planned on doing since I have a very visible job where I live and was afraid of possibly seeing someone I knew.

During large group, there was worship then a testimony of a woman from a C.R. group in the town next to mine. Wow. So many things in her life connected with how I feel about my life, and even personal experiences we shared, however far apart. I can't imagine how hard it was for her to sit up there and tell her story. I have to admit I got choked up at a few times... you can just feel the pain she went through. It's very sobering, and I definitely started telling myself that I was a fool for being so lost and traumatized by something that wasn't nearly as bad as her life was.

After her testimony, the "welcoming crew" took me, another woman and a man to a room where we watched a personalized C.R. video they made, as opposed to the general one that I saw on Monday. I think they did a much better job of showing what C.R. had done for them and what it continues to do. After that, the guys left and the female leader stayed with me and the other woman to answer questions and talk. I asked a few questions that had been on my mind, then asked to speak to her alone. I still did not feel ready to disclose my personal struggle and reason for being there, but was able to ask more "intimate" questions when we were alone. She sat and talked to me for a long time, and I finally got the courage to ask her about how my current struggles with God would affect my participation in C.R.. She was very gracious and referred back to our speaker... every person is at a different place in their life with their relationship with God, and no matter where they are, they are always welcome.

And I really feel that. So many people introduced themselves to me, asked if I wanted to sit with them, and thanked me for coming. Not only that, they really seem like they are all friends. This group seems different. I was given the strength to go today, I hope He gives me the strength to go again.

As I end this post now, my music has just begun on "Jes.us Take the Wh.eel". I think He heard me.