Thank you for the comments you left me about C.R.. I have made the decision to go again on Thursday to a different church in the area who (according to their website) has a small group for women dealing with issues of abuse.

Counseling today mainly went over my confrontation with my mom and the feelings/emotions that resulted from that. Aside from feeling oddly empowered, right now I don't have much to go on. I had e-mailed A sometime last week asking if she had any open appointments on Thursdays so that I could make the most of my time off this summer by coming 2x a week. The next two weeks I will come in if anyone cancels and have the last few weeks in July double-booked. She asked me given the fact that I am focusing on working hard this summer, what my goal is by the time I have to go back to work.

I told her I want to stop having nightmares by then. I think the fact that I am having them is because I go to bed EVERY night thinking about it, trying desperately to go over everything step by step because I have a piece of that day missing. I can remember everything up until a certain point, then there is a gap. What I remember next does not fit with where it left off. I have lately even wondered if there is a way for me to find the detective that was in charge of my case so I can get a copy of my statement. I think I need to change my goal instead of not having nightmares, to not obsess over trying to fill in that missing piece. I really think the bad dreams will subside if I can let that go.

On a happier note, I took my 6 year old ni.ece out with some friends from work and their kids to a local pizza and arcade game establishment. She had an absolute blast (as she is one of four and rarely gets to do stuff by herself) as did I. I love being able to spoil her :) Next week I'm taking the oldest 3 to the waterpark in my city. Family bonding time!


imaginenamaste said...
June 30, 2009 at 11:48 PM

I just wanted to send you a virtual supportive and thank you hug :) I hope you had fun with your niece!

Harriet said...
July 1, 2009 at 6:38 AM

It's great that your therapist has time to see you twice a week - that would be really helpful. It's a long time between sessions when they are once a week, it seems.

Looks like fun at the arcade! I need to find a little kid to take out and goof off with. They are so genuine.