What a blur!

The last 4 weeks have been an absolute blur.

Work was absolute madness with trying to prep our kids for state testing. I worked at least 60 hrs each week during the month of April. Add on top of that trying to deal with the anniversary of Tayler's death, preparing for surgery, the loss of my support group at church and all other things that normally affect you day to day, it's a wonder I survived!

Surgery was last Thursday and even though I have little experience with invasive procedures, I knew recovery for me wouldn't be a problem. Friday was the roughest, as the 2nd day normally is (or so I hear!). By Saturday I was up and moving around with ease, and by Sunday I was back at home. I tried a half-day at work today to see how tired I'd be and man, I wasn't expecting to be as tired as I am! I didn't even have to do anything but sit there and listen (today was staff development, I didn't even have to teach anything!) but 4 hrs of that and I was exhausted! So I decided to take tomorrow off and get another full day of rest before I go back full-time.

I've been living on such an adrenaline high for the past 4 weeks that my body is all over the place now. Now that surgery is over, I think it has thrown my body into a "natural" low point, to allow the ability to heal and rest. That has thrown me into a pretty bad depression. I have been so weepy over the past 3 days and I have absolutely no reason why. I am just sad. I put in a call to my surgeon to ask if that was normal to have such a "down" reaction and if there was anything I could do to improve that. Should hear back from her tomorrow.

I've got counseling tomorrow and will be staying 90 mins instead of 60. I'm hoping that if there is some underlying cause to this depression (whether triggered by surgery or the fact that I no longer can hide behind surgery) that I'll have the time to work through some of it with A. I really thing some of it is the latter. My focus for most of April was how to get through the anniversary of Tayler's death and surgery. Now that both of those are over, I have nothing to throw in front of a topic or subject that scares me. Not having that back up plan scares me.

I'm expecting a tearful session tomorrow. I think it's exactly what I need.

8 comments:

imaginenamaste said...
May 3, 2010 at 10:26 PM

I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow--I'll be thinking about you!

I'm glad that you have recovered from the surgery--good for you for giving yourself another day off!

Bernie said...
May 3, 2010 at 11:11 PM

Hang in there sweetie, I am sure what you are feeling is normal, your body has been through so much. ........:-)Hugs

Paula said...
May 4, 2010 at 2:54 AM

Dear One, thinking of you. Glad suregry is over. Can relate how often we try to find some sort of explanation to not face reality - unfortunately it always comes back. Please be kind to yourself. Keep you in my thoughts - nothing wrong with tears ;-) Hugs across the pond.

Finally Free said...
May 4, 2010 at 7:44 AM

Hi Lily,

Glad to hear you did not have any complications from the surgery. Sending you hugs (((Lily))).

When I had oral surgery I could not belief how exhausted I was either. It was amazing how weak I felt.

Blessings,
Tammy

chitowngreg said...
May 4, 2010 at 12:39 PM

Hang in there. You're probably right about the session tomorrow. Good time to just get it all out. Things will be better. Take care.

sarah said...
May 4, 2010 at 5:26 PM

you really have come through a lot. Glad there was no complications from the surgery...and that you are healing...I think you need a whole lot of gentleness right now...sending you a ton of hugs...

HeartfeltHeartLook said...
May 4, 2010 at 6:17 PM

Hi young lady! Thanks for visiting my blog. I haven't forgotten you or anyone else, I've just been negligent on posting. I'm glad your surgery went well. I'm still praying for you and all of my blogging friends!!! HUGS

Marj aka Thriver said...
May 5, 2010 at 11:36 AM

Wow! You have had a lot to deal with. I think having your body working on healing is very tiring. I'm still new to this whole "in-my-body" thing. Sometimes I think, "uh oh! I'm depressed." Then I realize it was a flu bug or something going on with my body and when I am physically well again, I feel better emotionally, too. I hope this happens for you.

Sending safe, warm, healing hugs ((((((((Lily))))))))