Lots of Pain, Lots of Tears

It has been a rough week. Lots of pain. Lots of tears.

Excerpt from an e-mail to V last night:
"I didn't realize how much of me could hurt at one time. And as stupid as it sounds being 27 years old, I just wish my mom was someone I could go to. I wish I could drive home, crawl into her bed right now and just cry. Cry and tell her how much I hurt and how I want her to make it all go away... to tell me it'll get better... that she loves me and is sorry I'm hurting.

Yet, I'm here alone. Even when she was physically there when I needed to be told these things before, she was never really there. I was still alone. Nothing's changed.

Maybe this is what a broken heart feels like."


Lisa said...
December 9, 2010 at 10:45 PM

It hurts my heart to hear you feeling this. I hope things look up soon. Things will. Hang in there. Also my blog is private now- can you send me an email at guo791999@gmail.com so we can stay in contact?

xoxo- stay strong babe

Surprised By Joy! said...
December 10, 2010 at 9:19 AM

So sorry you are hurting so much right now.

I am glad you have someone to e-mail for support.


Paula said...
December 10, 2010 at 9:50 AM

Yes. Lily, it is so very tough. Tears for a hurrting Little Lily inside, of hopes, dreams and wishes of a kid never fullfilled and the realisation it never will be there. All supressed for so long nows comes up. You will go through and it gets easier. This grieving process however is so very hard, necessaray and draining. Even more rewarding though. I keep you in my heart and thoughts during this diffilcut times of yours. I came through, others came through and you will to. Love to you

Finding Pam said...
December 10, 2010 at 10:00 AM

I am sorry that you have had a rough week. Stay strong and let it all happen at a pace that you are comfortable with.


Anonymous said...
December 10, 2010 at 7:02 PM

Oh my. I am so sorry. I could have written this too. I have such an empty spot in my heart for a mother. :( It truly sucks. I am sorry you feel it too.

Just Be Real said...
December 10, 2010 at 9:50 PM

Lily I am so very sorry for your pain!! (((((Lily)))))

Anonymous said...
December 11, 2010 at 8:28 AM

I think no matter someone's age, sometimes we all need a mother to go to. I'm sorry you feel alone.

Take care,
Cassie x

Grace said...
December 11, 2010 at 9:30 AM

Sweet Lily, If I knew how to comfort that little one inside I would surely tell you. How I can relate to your words here...tears for you sweetie. I would hug that little girl for you if I could, hold her and tell her that I love her and I'm sorry she is hurting. I'm so sorry she never had that.
((Little Lilly))

sarah said...
December 13, 2010 at 11:00 AM

oh Lily...If you lived close to me...I'd tell you to come on over and hang with us. I know that feeling of wishing to go home and there's no home to go to. I've vowed I would never leave my kids feeling that way. Stay strong okay...here listening and always in your corner.