Listening To Myself

So my date Friday went pretty well, I could tell he was really nervous so he didn't talk much. I on the other hand have never been so calm during a date. What a testament to how much I have grown over the past two years! That being said, I have been trying to figure out where to go from here. I never felt much of a connection with him. We have a lot of common interests and come from similar backgrounds, but there really is not a physical connection. No spark. I can compare how I have felt with previous boyfriends and I still get butterflies thinking of them, but with him there is nothing. I'm trying not to let that hold me back, and trying to convince myself that maybe if I go out with him again something will spark up but I think I am pushing myself because I want a relationship so bad.

Another thing that is a red flag for me is that he calls or texts me ALL the time. For instance... when he first asked me out we exchanged numbers and I talked to him for like 3 hrs last Sunday. Whatever, that seems pretty normal to me. But then he'd text me Monday morning to see how I slept. Then 4PM Monday as soon as work was over to see how it went. Then would call me Monday night. I told him I don't keep my phone on on Tuesdays (session days), so then he called me Wednesday, talked to him for almost 2 hrs (ugh, I hate talking on the phone), he sent me a text at 2AM wishing me a good nights' sleep, a text at 6AM greeting me good morning, then called me after church Thursday. This is all before our first date.

So we go out Friday night and it wasn't the best date in the world, but it was fun enough. He drops me off at home and no lie, 3 minutes later he calls me and apologizes for being such a goober... telling me he was so nervous, etc. He had asked me earlier in the night if I wanted to go to the state fair with him on Saturday, which I politely declined since I already had plans. So I wake up to a text asking if I am sure I don't want to go. 6 hrs later he texts to see how my day went. He wants to know if he can call me when he gets back to his truck (which I thought would be immediately) so I told him that I was eating dinner. No problem, he says... he won't be back to his truck for an hour or so. So I asked him not to call me, told him I don't even talk to my mom or best friend but once or twice a week. He apologizes and that's that.... I started to think I got my point across when he texts me tonight. "I know I'm not supposed to call, but I just wanted to see how your day went."

That just does not seem normal to me, and is a total turn off. I do NOT want to get involved with someone who is that clingy and smothering. Part of me thinks I'm over-reacting, trying to convince myself that I am the one being too sensitive but the other part of me knows that this would probably not be a healthy thing for me at this time in my life. I've been praying a lot for guidance, asking God to help me see what He wants me to do... I think I already have my answer but I am just not sure. Opinions, please.


Madison said...
September 27, 2009 at 9:45 PM

God has a great man for you in your future. This one does not sound like a good fit - to put it mildly.

Just Be Real said...
September 28, 2009 at 5:19 AM

Dear one, I agree with Madison. It seems he is not even letting you breathe. What looks like concern and interest, he seems to be overbearing. Something I would not want. If he is already showing signs like this, it ain't good dear. You will eventually be tending to his every needs and be controlled!

imaginenamaste said...
September 28, 2009 at 4:35 PM

Interesting....maybe a bit put it lightly! Or, he doesn't really know when to stop.... don't want to get into a serious relationship like your intuition that is making you question if this really works. And, what you want.
Maybe he could just be a friend if you don't want to ride him off completely?

PS Awesome job going on a date! I bet that was a HUGE step for you!

Zan said...
September 28, 2009 at 5:25 PM

I just stumbled upon this post tonight and as I was reading red warning flags popped up everywhere.I was where you are once, unfortunately I ended up marrying that man and to put it mildly, he was a control freak.
I'd be very cautious if I was you, but it sounds like you've got your head screwed on pretty well there already! Listen to your heart, listen to your instincts.. they are usually right.
Wishing you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do. xx

HeartfeltHeartLook said...
September 28, 2009 at 7:29 PM

Ditto to all those comments.

Trust God for the right man and be willing to wait. You do have to be open so don't shut down. Believe me, it is so worth the wait!

sarah said...
September 28, 2009 at 8:28 PM
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Harriet said...
September 29, 2009 at 9:07 PM

I agree, it's a bit too much. He needs to learn how to give someone space!