Hard Times

I am having a hard time taking care of myself.

I'm not eating, I'm cutting, I'm beating myself down.

I am having a hard time believing that I am worth anything to anyone.

The shame of the abuse and my secret being discovered Tuesday is messing with my mind. It's distorting my thoughts.

I am having a hard time locating God's spirit in me right now.

How many challenges can I possibly face before I crumble under the pressure? I feel lost.

I am having a hard time wanting to keep going on this path.

I'm tired. I want to rest.


19 comments:

Grace said...
March 18, 2010 at 11:37 PM

Oh Lily, I know how hard it is to find the energy and want to take care of yourself. You may not believe me but you ARE worth everything and more!
I know you are tired...and it is okay to rest. (((LILY))))
~ Grace

Grace said...
March 18, 2010 at 11:38 PM

Oh, Lily, I know how hard it is to find the will and the energy to take care of yourself.
And you may not believe me but you are wroth everything, and more!!!
I know you are tired, and it is okay to rest....((LILY))
~ Grace

Just Be Real/God Whispers In The Wind said...
March 19, 2010 at 12:28 AM

(((((Lily)))))
Lily, I am so here with you right now....... understanding.......

imaginenamaste said...
March 19, 2010 at 1:10 AM

Oh--I wish I could be there holding your hand or whatever you needed. Take the weekend for yourself--just rest. Take care of yourself. You are so amazing--if you can't think of anyway how, think about your impact on your students.

Bernie said...
March 19, 2010 at 1:32 AM

Lily call your doctor, we in blogland care about you but we are not qualified to advise you. I can tell you that I care about how you are feeling and what is happening right now and that I will pray for you but sweetie speak to those educated/trained to help. Keeping you in my heart and prayers....:-) Hugs

Catherine said...
March 19, 2010 at 7:46 AM

Lily, thinking of you today darling.

love, Catherine

Rhonda said...
March 19, 2010 at 2:31 PM

Listen sweety Lily, YOU DESERVE THE BEST!!!! You and I punish ourselves in the same ways. I can go days without eating and not care at all. It's all become natural to me. But I am learning that I have to stop and force myself in someway to do so in order to survive. Some days it may just be a crazy pop tart, others, a full course meal, but you have to nourish yourself.

As far as the cutting, I know temptation all too well. Every time things get rough, I want to escape into that dark corner to ease my pain. It only makes us feel better for a brief second. It visually gives us a reason to cry. But you have to pull yourself together. You will become stronger if you turn away from it sweety. I know it's hard!!!

Please hang in there. If you need to talk, you can always email me privately. We're here for you!!!

HUGS & LOVE!!

Finally Free said...
March 19, 2010 at 4:04 PM

Lily,
Here listening and offering my support sweetie. ((Lily))

Blessings and Hugs,
Tammy

Paula said...
March 19, 2010 at 7:35 PM

Lily I don't even know you...yet (((hugs))) but wanted you to know that you are worth everything to God and even me...this person you've never met (((hugs)) You are loved in Christ by me.

Glennis said...
March 19, 2010 at 8:03 PM

Be gentle with yourself, relax and let God handle things for a while.

Gail said...
March 19, 2010 at 9:44 PM

HI LILY-

I have seen yo at blogs I visit so I thought I would come by. I am sorry you are struggling so. If you can, please 'Google' "The God Memorandum by Og Mandino. k? :-)

Love Gail
peace.....

Stephanie said...
March 19, 2010 at 10:36 PM

Lily-
I loved this post. Your honesty is refreshing. I don't think there is a person among us who hasn't felt this way. Just this week while visiting with my Guru/clinical supervisor I had this very conversation.
Rest, Lily. Just rest.
xo

imaginenamaste said...
March 19, 2010 at 11:08 PM

just wanted to tell you that i was thinking about you today.

An Imperfect Perfection said...
March 20, 2010 at 4:47 AM

Lily, thank you for the comment you left on my blog today.

My heart breaks for you right now. I've been in a place very similar to where you are - filled with shame, wanting a relationship and hurting myself with all kinds of things (including cutting).

I'm not where I want to be in my healing - yet. But I'm well on my way. I've worked very hard for a very long time. There were times I wanted to give up - and I did rest and take breaks from time to time - but I always kept going.

You deserve to heal. You are worthy of the life God means for you to have. I'm praying for you.

Just Be Real/God Whispers In The Wind said...
March 20, 2010 at 6:31 AM

Lily came back to give you some more ((((Lily))))

Dr. Deb said...
March 20, 2010 at 9:45 AM

One step. One day. It is hard, but know that others care and believe in you.

sarah said...
March 20, 2010 at 12:49 PM

In your corner girl...you will get through this...that tuesday meeting...being found out...the shame really through you...but know this...you're not bad or crazy b/c you cut...you cut...b/c you are an amazing survivor...you are a fighter...hang tight ok...these feelings will pass. praying for you....believing in you....knowing if I can make you...you can too....

Rhonda said...
March 21, 2010 at 1:24 PM

Thinking about you sweety

Colleen said...
March 21, 2010 at 2:51 PM

Prayers and hugs.